Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12
Many married couples don’t break apart overnight. Instead, they slowly drift apart over time. I thought writing a post like this would help our marriages review, reconnect, pray more, and fix what may need to be fixed. God gave us His book of truth. the Bible!!!!! We must consistently be seeking the Lord and keeping Him in the center of our marriages. Marriage is not easy, but it is the closest relationship, a covenant, not contract, relationship that is a reflection of Jesus Christ and his church, the Bride.
One day, two people who once “felt” deeply connected realize they are now strangers. Conversations become shorter. Affection fades. Misunderstandings grow. The relationship starts to “feel” more like a routine than a marriage. Married couples are more like roommates. Unfortunately, some may start to sleep in separate rooms, hide things from each other, and look for another “companion” who “understands them”. It spirals so fast. Marriage can be broken quickly. We do not need to be a part of the statistics. I hope this blog will help strengthen and open eyes that need to be opened. Maybe you will reach out for help, and healing can begin!
Couples drift apart and separate usually due to the following:
- neglect
- harsh communication
- unresolved hurt
- stress
- separate lives
- emotional disconnection
- Infidelity (Pornography & Extramarital Individual)
- Lack of submission
- No Biblical order in family(self, children, or other things become priority)
NEGLECT
Spend time with each other. You may need to start to initiate this again. Do not let PRIDE get in the way of restoring your marriage. I pray that as you read, you will remember that marriage is a covenant. Make it a priority.
“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”. 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 NKJV.
Harsh Communication
How do you speak to your spouse? “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one”. Colossians 4:6, NKJV. Sometimes, being quiet when you know your blood is boiling is best. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Speak to each other when the emotions are low. Do not yell. Do not swear. “Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man”. Matthew 15:11, NKJV.
Unresolved Hurt
We have to grow in forgiveness. You have to forgive. This does not mean you lost and your spouse “won”. If you operate with this mindset, then that is the main problem. It is not about winning. You are a team! Forgive-It is a release of pain and giving it to the Lord Jesus. He sees it all. He will comfort you. Ask Him. Ask the Lord to show you how to forgive. “Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'” Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV)
Stress
We all have stress. Some more than others. Some less than others. Healthily managing your stress is key. Also, communicating to your spouse( I am stress baby, or tired) is so important. Making sure each other is on the same page and in each other’s “world”. When one person takes on too much, it can be rooted in an underlying problem. When we say yes to too much, it will become too much. The stress will lead to frustration and anger, also when you “feel” that others, like your spouse, need to take it off your plate. If you are doing too much, you need to slow down and learn to say NO. Also, remember you are not saved by “WORKS”. The more you do, the more you will NOT get points. Focus on what will improve your home, not your status or your feelings of self-gain and worth. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9,NKJV
Separate Lives
It becomes a problem quickly when you start to do your own thing and believe you are right. Your husband has a hard heart and neglects you. He does his own thing and doesn’t confide in you. We see this too often. She blames him, and he blames her! It does not need to be like this. Work together. Immediately, when you start to feel unheard, angry, or hurt, go to the Lord in prayer. Start praying for YOUR HEART. YOUR HEART< THOUGHTS…… “and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh”. Mark 10:8, NKJV.
After you start to work on yourself in prayer and relationship with the Lord…start praying for your husband to have a soft heart and to seek the Lord too. Trust me, the Lord does not fail when it comes to you being humble and knowing you are a problem, too.
Emotional Disconnection
This happens slowing. Do not stop talking to one another. Enjoy each other’s company more. Write notes on how you feel about your husband. Send a text more. Write an email about how he makes you feel!!! This could really help prevent the emotional disconnection.
Also, this could stem from anger and hurt. You must evaluate yourself and ask the power of the Holy Spirit to guide you in this area. The Lord must be in the center of your marriage. You must begin a personal relationship with the Lord too!
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32
Infildelty
This causes mistrust, anger, hurt, and pain. This could be pornography, a sexual relationship with another person, or even emotional, flirting, and a strong desire to commit adultery with another person. Seeking help in this area is never a bad, shameful thing. Honestly, remove pride and get help from a Pastor or godly mentor for assistance. You can heal from this. Your marriage can be restored. Some people dabble in this area when it comes to work or the opposite sex friendships. Do not be naivve in this area. Satan is very busy and wants to destroy marriages. Always be guarded and make very strong, healthy boundaries in your marriage. Respect each other.
In the Bible, Book of Exodus, “You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14, NKJV.
In Hebrews, we read, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4.
Lack of Submission
Such a huge fuss over this subject. Lots of feminist ideas. However, God knows best. The word does not return void. Marriage flows best when we are both obedient to the Lord. Loving your husband is so sweet, and there will be hard times, but when you obey God’s word, I can tell you- HE will and always will work it out according to His will. Trust Him with your husband. He knows him best. God sees your heart, and when you cannot close your mouth or you “feel” the need to open it, watch the tone. Watch the body language…. love out of respect and trust your husband to be your husband.
Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
James 4:7: “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
No Biblical order to the family( self, children, or other things become priority)
You get married. Have children, and quickly the children are before the husband. You need to stop, regroup, and switch the order around. Easy, not all the time, but a MUST DO!!!!
Work/career before your marriage. Stop and regroup. Go home and have dinner together. Hang out weekly. Push back the to-do list for work. Your marriage is number one.
Work before your children. A problem. Being a mother is more important than work. You need to find a healthy balance quickly. Communicating a message that work is more loved and appreciated than your child creates hurt, resentment and an outlet for the child to replace you. Please spend time with your children. Make time with them.
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
1 Corinthians 11:3: “…the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”
Your marriage should be priority over the children. Your relationship with Christ, loving your husband will make you a better mother. Your children will grow and learn in a home that is healthy because their parents, both dad and mom love eachother and work together biblically to have that Godly home. Not every marriage is perfect but through the storms with the Lord is very much worth it because when you both have HIM- nothing will break.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:11-13, NKJV.
*******Please be sure to check out more posts on Marriage:https://bibleandcake.com/category/family/marriage-relationships/********
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