Evaluating your true motives and goals:
Over many decades, the HOME has changed drastically. We see that in history, women were home, bearing many children and maintaining the homes as the husbands left and went to work to provide. They provided for their families by making money and ensuring a living. It was expected that once a woman got married she would bear children and help her husband at home. She was not expected to work outside of the home. She was not expected to bring in money to help her husband. Her main responsibility was to care for the children and husband and the house’s upkeep. We can see in the past that she even homeschooled and taught her children everything in the home. When you think about it, she was home 24/7 and there was no way around it. They didn’t have the iPhones, Androids, Tablets, Disney, and laptops. They had books, blocks, yards to run and play, and each other. Family.
In how many ways has all this changed? Really. How many ways? Too many to count.
When women desired to enter the workforce they juggled careers and motherhood. Women’s rights and the “more money the more opportunity and freedom” could have appeased a lot of women and husbands. When the women received their “own paychecks” it gave them a “feeling” that they too could work hard and be compensated for it. When mothers began working outside the home, the husbands had to step up( help out and were expected to) with the children. Women were helping the husbands to maintain lifestyles that started to get out of hand. During the earlier years, mothers worked in factories at night so the fathers put their children to bed. You can research and look back at the history and see how daycares evolved and how the goal to “make enough money so you could have the children in daycare” evolved. Dual incomes were a thing. Traditional homes were becoming nonexistent. As mothers worked and made money it was the new norm. Feminism. Sound familiar? Look familiar?
So, you begin to hear and see if one had fewer children because they were a burden. It is rare to hear of a family with more than two children. If you do not count fertility issues one of the factors is birth control maintenance and delays in having a family for school and career. That said, many American homes have an average of two or fewer children. Children are “expensive”. Families with three or more are seen as a hazard to the earth. Could you let me know if you’re hearing me? Look at how our society has distorted what a home should truly be. This is just one area.
So my main point. Money is not everything. When you take your last breath…you will not have the earnings in your hand. Status is not everything. You will not be thinking about your bank account balance and the pension you worked hard for. Instead, what did you accomplish for the Lord’s Kingdom? Were you faithful in what he gave you and that includes your family? What is so important to you. I know we all have goals. I worked. I had several jobs and enjoyed the paycheck after two weeks. To have a dual income before children, was nice. Money. We hear in society, that “the more the better”. What is your goal and what stems from your heart? What motivates you?
The Homemaker
To have the mother stay home with the family, it is common to look over your budget and see what needs to go and what can stay. The family may need to cut on spending or utilize used clothing, furniture in some homes, whatever to sacrifice the mother to be home because it is important to the father and mother. You make it work if it is a priority to your family. Some families have a father who brings in a generous income that supersedes their output. Every home is different. You should not compare yourself to another family. This will cause destruction and stress that is not God’s will and intention for you and your home. Mind your business and seek to care and focus on your home and your finances. The mother who stays home works inside the home day and night. There are many notions behind this and a lot of theories that these mothers just hang out all day and stick their young children on iPads for most of the morning. Maybe some do? and maybe some do not.
In my opinion, if you are home full time, the home should be well managed whether by your hands, or professional help, or both. The mother who cares for the home should do it gladly and joyfully. Some sacrifices are made to make this happen in all families. I strongly believe that sacrifice is not having MORE MONEY than you have at the moment. If the mother worked…there would be some more “income”. But if you manage your home according to what the Bible says, I believe it will be blessed. I believe and trust that God sees the details and the sacrifices we make.
This post can be controversial but I want to always write what is on my heart and glorify God.
You can check out a previous post about my journey as a stay-at-home mother here: https://bibleandcake.com/how-is-the-life-of-a-mother/. AND here: https://bibleandcake.com/how-come-mommy-does-not-work/.
“But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.” 1 Timothy 5:4, NKJV
“…..The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given too much wine, teachers of good things that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed”. Titus 2:3-5
The Working Mother
I was a working mother for a little over two years after we welcomed our baby girl “Cake” to our family. I was very blessed to have a flexible career as a Police Officer/Detective. As I share my journey during that season, I see God’s hand in every detail. He took care of me and my family especially shielding me from danger and harm as a law enforcement officer. Any career can be stressful but I do believe a line of work in Law Enforcement is one of the most dangerous occupations. You can read a previous post about my career here https://bibleandcake.com/a-former-police-officer/ When I worked, I was exhausted from all the duties I carried as a Police Officer. I would still come home and desire to play and catch up with my babies let alone the other things that needed to be completed. Did I enjoy working? Sometimes. Did the income help, yes of course. Being home with my children and caring for them has been the best thing I could give as their mother and wife. Giving up my full-time career has been something I do not regret. Nurturing, teaching, disciplining, cooking, playing all day and every week with my children. Was I able to do this when I worked, yes but it was different in many ways to include the amount of availability I had. Depending on our calendar some things had to go because I was on call or working a case. To be 100% available to my family has been more than a blessing. I can focus on the needs and desires of my family.
I also want to encourage you mothers and women who work, to find a healthy balance. Balance is key. When I was working, I kept both my career organized and our home. Sometimes we HAVE TO SAY NO. Our families need us. Balancing schedules, priorities, and assignments can improve and get better if you first realize you need help and want to change. So my prayer is that this posting will help anyone reflect on their choices, motives, and maybe fears. I hope this will open up conversations at home with your spouse and lead you to seek the Lord in all things family. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him”. James 1:5, NKJV.
The Bible
The Bible. We need it. Daily in our life. We need to be teaching our children. Reading ourselves and encouraging our children to read God’s word too. The Bible has something to say about money. It has something to say about roles in the home and respect, love, and order. Matthew 6:21, NKJV, ” For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” What are your desires? What is the reason behind the choices you and your husband make for the household?
Ecclesiastes 5:10, NKJV, ” He who loves silver will not be satisfied with silver; Nor he who loves abundance, with increase. This also is vanity.”
Luke 12:15, ” And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”
We probably all know a work a holic or two. We probably can think of one person who said they love and desire more money. We can probably think of many people who flaunt their belongings yet are miserable. You usually can tell by their behavior and how they treat people and talk about themselves. Money is money. If our hearts desire more of it and we live a life trying so hard to get more for the wrong reasons( not to include a decent income to maintain a healthy living) then we need to reevaluate. As the word of God says….vanity. Luke 3:14, NKJV, ” Likewise the soldiers asked him, saying, “And what shall we do?”So he said to them, “Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages.” Also, we can reflect on Ephesians 4:28, ” Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need” .
Money Money Money
What is your main goal? What do you want the most in the world? Financial security? Wealth? Money? Greed? Status? Do you want what your neighbor has? Do you want and desire the family lifestyle your friend or family member has? The Bible warns us of covetousness and lust. If you are debating or struggling to stay home and care for your family because you want that title in corporate or that 90k/year salary(or MORE), I want to encourage you to seek the Lord. No dollar or pension plan is going to replace the time and investment that your family needs from you. I say this with experience. Maybe your spouse is angry or envious that you have even considered resigning or desire to be home. I encourage you to pray for his heart and get around like-minded, godly women to join you. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness”. 1 Timothy 6:10-11, NKJV
As always, I appreciate anyone who spends time reading this little page. I started this after I resigned from my career. This is not to just “keep me busy”. I am busy enough. This is not just a “blog”. I hope these postings will encourage and equip you as wives and mothers. I also pray that in your own individual walk with the Lord, you will dive deeper and closer to Him. He gets all the glory.
