Back in 2005, I began a relationship that I thought at the time was very healthy and grounded. I was young but even over the course of the years my feelings still thought it was healthy and how “relationships should be”. Through this relationship, I received all of my worth. If it was a good day, I felt good and things were good. However, if he wasn’t good or I did not get something I needed from him it was not a good day. It would put me down in the dumps and I would feel as though I was not good enough. The relationship was masked with unhealthy habits that begin to spiral more on his end. However, since I was so entangled in this person, I too was going down as well, more so emotionally and psychologically.
During this dating relationship, I considered myself a “Christian”. Doesn’t most of the world? I was raised in a “Christian home”, meaning both of my parents had accepted Jesus as their Savior and stated they knew Him. At that time, I found that I too was a “Christian” because my family identified as one, I knew the Lord’s Prayer( “Our Father who Art in Heaven….”) and I attended a church periodically, did a few good deeds and obeyed the law! Slowly, the blinders from my eyes were removed and after several years I learned that none of the above matters.
I was involved in this relationship and it was my god! He was my idol, and everything that surrounded this relationship became my everything. You see, I did not think any of this wrong or unhealthy. I was in love, happy sometimes, arguments here and there and got to party and live my life because I was not hurting anyone. Soon, we were engaged, planning a future and wedding! Sounds great right? Well….
When you get a taste of who Jesus is, you want MORE. You want more of Him and you realize how much you Need Him. We were not made to live apart from Him. Go back to the scriptures and see from the beginning how God just yearns to have a personal relationship with you. With me!
In 2010, there were several breakthroughs that led me to realize how broken I am and how much I need my Lord and Savior. See, all this time, I had a “god”. A man just as broken as me, a relationship I based all my identity and self worth on. The relationship ended, engagement off and it was the starting point to what God had plan all along when I just surrendered and sought Him. The Bible says, “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you”. Matthew 6:33(NKJV)
It does not have to be an unhealthy relationship that we put our identity in. It could be a person, career, money, our own children, friends, popularity, drugs, alcohol, sex and the list can go on. Anything before God is an idol. It is not the way we are called to live here on earth.
