“A man’s heart plans his way But the Lord directs his steps” Proverbs 16:9 NKJV
After I chose to end the relationship and engagement, I still struggled with what God wanted from me. When I was involved in my past romantic relationships, I still considered myself a “practicing Christian” who attended a local church, served here and there, got baptized and did “good things”. I still felt like something was missing especially after losing the most important thing in my life, a man, a boyfriend, a relationship. This feeling lingered for what seemed like a long time (maybe several months to a year).
To keep me “occupied”, I decided to stay focused on my newly established career and picked up part-time gigs along with my full-time job. I bought my first home, worked a lot of hours, and stayed very busy with the ordinary things of life. While being single and choosing to not be involved in any relationships, I started reading my bible more and seeking how I can learn and grow the way God wanted me to. From time to time, in my daily prayers with God, I would ask Him to reconcile my past relationship. I would stay busy with work and other activities, almost like I was “waiting” for this prayer to be answered. However, God had another plan. He does not always answer our prayers the way WE pray or THINK they should be. Eventually, I found myself praying for His will and not my own will to be done. I was reading the bible and hanging out with other women who were doing the same. I began to attend a mid-week service/prayer group and prayed and read the Word together. These things help me learn more about Jesus and how He loves me despite my sin, behaviors, and mistakes.
Moreover, the church I was attending was advertising the yearly mission trips and outreach programs in addition to other ministry opportunities. I decided to sign up and attend the introduction/informational meeting for Mission Trips.
I remember attending the informational meeting at church and could not decide whether I should go to South Africa or Peru for missions. I began to pray for wisdom and guidance about where I should go. During this time, I did not feel at peace going to Peru (more on that later), so I decided to go to South Africa.
Around that time, I was truly learning what a believer in Jesus meant and invited Jesus into my life. Jesus is available for all who want to invite Him into their life! We have to make that decision on our own. Jesus does not force Himself upon us. He gives us free will and ultimately our decision determines our eternity.
I am so thankful that God did not answer some of my prayers to include reconciling with broken relationships. It was very frustrating at the time and can be even today when we are praying and waiting to see if our prayers will be answered! I would not of participated in ministry or surrounded myself with Godly, mature believers in Jesus if that relationship continued. I would not of been able to grow and understand how much God loves me and see my real identity in Christ if I continued to be entangled in that relationship.
For me, it is a good reminder of God’s grace, to look back at all He has done for me! It is so good to give Him praise and thank God for his grace and mercy! He knows best for us! We must trust Him!
“It is good to give thanks to the Lord, And to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, And Your faithfulness every night…” Psalm 92:1-2 NKJV
