We were on the shuttle heading to the other “sister” property of the resort. It was a sunny, warm weekday, before Thanksgiving. You would think that nothing could go wrong. Just a perfect day. The shuttle was usually packed with families ready to go to the pools and beaches in sunny Naples Florida. As we were sitting in our seats, I could not help but notice a family of four enter the shuttle. They had pieces of luggage and the husband looked very upset and irritable. He said something briefly to his two children as they hopped on the bus too. His wife was behind him struggling with her suitcase and her cell phone in hand. He threw his belongings on the rack and sat down.
As I was playing with Cakepop in our seat, I could not but hear the husband say, “Next time get someone on the phone who speaks English”. His wife immediately snapped back, “You could follow up with things too”. He said, “You had everything covered yet we ended up at the wrong resort. I did not know there were two hotels under the same brand within 4 miles of each other. You have an account and access to log in too. Don’t blame this on me”. I am pretty sure I heard a few swearing words as the children hoped no one heard their own parents going back and forth. It was not loud or obscene. The conversation among the couple was very quiet yet full of animation.
They continued to ramble on at each other as the shuttle closed the door and took us to another resort. I sat there and thought, “Poor kiddos” as they embarrassedly sat and listened to their parents snap back at each other. I also was thinking, if I could hear, who else did, and obviously, they did not care because they continued for a few more minutes until the wife hopped on her phone and blatantly ignored her husband.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Yes, we all argue and have disagreements in marriages and relationships. We are human. We have expectations that fail. We hurt each other in marriages. We hurt others. Sometimes we say things that we can never take back. Hoping the other party will forgive us. We are called to forgive just as God forgave us. It can be hard. It can be a process. In my opinion, the quicker we forgive and not condone the words and/or behavior the better we are off as a person.
Respect and honor should be at the forefront of the marriage. As I have mentioned so many times on this blog, marriage will be the most important relationship you have after your personal relationship with Christ. If you believe and trust that in your heart, I strongly believe you will make many efforts to make sure you are doing your part to give respect and honor.
Colossians 3:13, NKJV, ” bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” .
How to show respect and honor in my marriage?
Luke 6:31, NKJV” And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise”. I believe if we model this verse in all relationships, especially our marriage we would have fewer problems. During my days as a Police Officer on patrol, I ran countless domestic violence calls. I remember listening and problem-solving for families that were wealthy, poor, middle-class, all in between. The disputes were between husbands and wives, children and parents, and other family members. Listening to people talk you learn a lot. People will just talk. Hearing the main issues in these families and what they were struggling with not only resorted back to communication conflicts but I would say, selfishness.
Matthew 7:12-23, NKJV, ” Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets”. These verses are so clear. Put others( your spouse) before yourself. I am NOT saying to neglect yourself and be abused mentally, emotionally, and/or physically. Let us use common sense too. However, evaluating your behavior, heart, and thoughts is key in honoring and respecting our spouses. Why EXPECT to be treated one way when you DO NOT do it yourself to others? You are NOT any better.
Philippians 2:4, NKJV, ” Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests of others”.
- Think of ways to put yourself second to your spouse. This could simply be opening the door for your spouse, or letting them select the restaurant for the evening or the movie for the weekend. Minimize what YOU WANT and think about what they want and need.
- Initiate affection. Wives we can always do better here especially with having children. You hear so many women say they are “touched out” by the end of the day. I strongly believe we need to pray this OUT of our mind and heart. Just holding hands, embracing eachother in hugs and kisses is so important and refreshing for the marriage.
- Zipping our mouths SHUT especially when we do not have something nice to say. You should NOT bash your spouse. Do you have something bothering you? Talk to your spouse about it…not your parents, his parents, coworkers, mom groups, neighbors, etc. Speak directly to your spouse. It is one thing to ask for prayer about something but keep it brief. We can always do better in this area.
- Examine your heart. The words that flow from your vocabulary tell a lot about your heart. ” Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you..” Proverbs 4:23-24, NKJV.
- Pay attention to how we SPEAK and the way we respond to our spouses. As I shared above. The tone of our responses can illustrate much about how we honor and respect our loved one.
- Pay attention to how LITTLE we speak to our spouses. I know many couples who are believers in Christ and NOT who have very little day-to-day communication with their spouses. I am NOT referring to military spouses deployed etc. Again let’s not get extreme and use common sense. Be connected to each other. Get creative in ways to chat throughout the day or meet up if that allows you to do so. I recall working evenings on patrol when my husband and I were engaged and then married. We would meet in a parking lot before he headed home to just say hello and kiss. It was not always guaranteed but we planned for it a few times and it was a nice way to honor the relationship. Today, with three young children we still make it a priority to connect and my husband is busy. I am busy. We cannot forget the important things. I believe this is imperative.
HONOR and RESPECT EACH OTHER. MARRIAGE IS MINISTRY.
******IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN(ANY AGE) THEY ARE WATCHING.****** WHETHER YOU HAVE CHILDREN OR NOT, GOD IS ALWAYS WATCHING.
There is so much more but that is some basics in ways we can be intentional in honoring and respecting each other. I plan to harp and dig on the verse below in the future. I believe it brings everything full circle!!
“……the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed”. Titus 2:3-5, NKJV.
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