What are the questions, concerns, worries, anxieties, and contemplations you have before tying the knot?
In today’s world, a lot of people are NOT getting married. They want all the things that should, biblically come with marriage but are not willing to put the HARD work into it. I have to say, and I said it in my previous post here: https://bibleandcake.com/how-to-have-a-strong-marriage-that-will-last that people are doing things way differently than God’s will. If you have not read the above post, I want to encourage you to read it after this post! It explains my heart on how to have a strong marriage( one that my lovely husband and I strive to have each day). I wanted to list and harp on a few things that I think you should ask yourself before you get married.
Are you dating? Engaged? Desiring to have a husband…currently courting? Where are you right now? Taking a break from all the stressful spouse hunting? WHATEVER stage you are currently in, I want you to know that the Lord SEES you. YES, you! I want you to know that because as a woman, I wanted to get married from a young age( when I grasped what marriage was). I desired a family, a loving relationship with a husband, and all the “Hallmark” lovey-dovey marriages we get on television. I played with my dolls acting out my fairytale wedding and family I wished to have someday. We are created by God to nurture, love, comfort, and be comforted. The desire for affection and love is paramount for every human being. We can fill this with a relationship with Jesus, and I will talk about this later. We cannot expect to get everything from a husband. It is not his duty. Only Jesus can fill certain things in us as his children.
Dating and looking for a husband….?
I have been here and done that. The scripture clearly states we are NOT to be unequally yoked. This means do not bother to date, court, and/or marry someone who is not a believer/follower of Jesus Christ AND lives it out. Fruit? Many people (men and women) say they are “Christians”; this is used loosely, vaguely, abused, and has many meanings. Please do not be desperate. You are worth a lot more than that. Seek God first, nurture and feed your personal relationship with Christ, and continue to do this(before, during and after marriage). It is the most important relationship you will have and it should be the husbands, man you are dating or interested in having a relationship with.
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14, NKJV. I think the above verse is pretty clear. God made it very clear and when we are disobedient and want the flesh to take over(me, my way, impatience) we can easily get ourselves into something that was not his Will for us. It is so much better to sit in his presence and wait. It is so hard but trust God!
Marriage and everything that comes with it…
Some people write their own wedding vows and some use the traditional vows. Hubby and I elected for the traditional vows, in our home church with our Pastor at the time. We were surrounded by our immediate family. It was special, and blessed, and has been a wonderful journey together as husband and wife. Marriage is NOT easy. NOT easy. Two people broken, issues, feelings, raised differently, selfish, personal beliefs and opinions, different pasts, different baggage. Both are NOT perfect and will never be until with the Lord Jesus ( that is if both are believers). Expectations need to be spoken about. I highly recommend a Premarital class in your church BEFORE marriage. I highly recommend meeting with a godly, mature, experienced couple and /or pastor BEFORE getting married. We did it. It was only a blessing. We read books together, studied the word, and were in the classes. It was only a benefit and added strength to our marriage. You will have disagreements and tough discussions. It is marriage. It is life. This man should become your best friend. You are a team and Jesus should be at the center.
What you wished you knew before getting married:
So to compile a list, I asked several friends and family if they would participate. Everyone who participated is married and has been married for OVER at least three years(most were 8-48 years of marriage so a great list of wisdom here). Many who answered are believers in Jesus Christ. I give this background information to say that marriage still takes two people and it is hard work. Thank you to all who participated. While you read through…ask yourself (if you are married) what you wished you knew before marriage( please comment below)? If you are single, engaged, dating, etc, please consider and take notes lol…
- Communication styles are different especially when it’s difficult topics
- How we handle UNMET expectations
- Read more “self help” or “Christian themed” books together to work on ourselves
- To consider finances, debt, loans
- Just because you are married NOW does not mean everything is going to change. Your spouse is still the same person they were before you married them
- Stay in your personal walk with Jesus
- Take time to get to know yourself
- Have savings
- It takes alot of patience
- You need to be understanding
- Give of yourself is required.
- Marriage is ministry and it should be your priority
- Realizing that fighting for my marriage is best on my knees in prayer.
- The enemy is real and he wants to destroy your marriage in the most disgusting, sneaky, conniving way possible. Be on guard and pray that your husband is on guard too.
- It is good to know eachothers expectations but you should review them often.
- Arguing will happen and sometimes in different seasons.
- You may not be best friends with your husband’s family and that is okay. However, you two should be best friends, and his family &(yours) should know and see that.
- Have sex. Do not have sex to just “conceive”.
- Expect your spouse & you to grow and mature in Christ. This will and should change the dynamics of your marriage( in a good way).
How to prepare for marriage:
I think the best way to be ready for getting married is by praying, staying pure, and surrounding yourself with like-minded women. I say this( and it is different) from what others may suggest because I strongly believe that if we stay close to the Lord, he will have us every step of the way…in the good and bad. Also, praying before marriage allows for your heart to be poured out to your love and Savior. Prayer is having a conversation with God and listening to Him ( he speaks in many ways) especially through His word to us. Staying pure is imperative. Dating, courting, engaged, strive to make boundaries and work hard to keep your hands to yourself 🙂 Godly counsel is so important with anything. The saying, you become who you hang around with or whoever you flock with??? Well, surround yourself with godly women, women who have respect for themselves, mature believers, and/or mature married women. Encouraging each other and praying for each other is so helpful and biblical.
I hope this post was insightful and a blessing to you in whatever season you are in! Please be sure to stay connected! Love you!!!
How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word Psalm 119:9, NKJV Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord Psalm 1:1-2, NKJV.
BE SURE TO CHECK OUT ANY MISSED POSTS BELOW or in ARCHIVES:
- They do not like me.
- How to raise a young lady in this ungodly culture:
- Race, our children, and the heart.
- Honestly, most people do not want to hear it. Maybe that’s how it should be….
- How to get rich or die trying…
