Marriage: The wedding bells!
I always wanted to get married. I would play with my dolls and Barbie every day. I had the gigantic dollhouse and can recall playing with my sisters until bedtime. The dreams and expectations I had would be played out by Barbie. I received my knowledge from my parents and the movies I would watch growing up. The desire to be married and to have babies! I believe we are created as women to nurture, care, and of course, a desire to be loved. The Bible says, “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him Genesis 2:18, NKJV”. Well ladies, we are called to be that “helper”, helpmate”.
Like it was yesterday, I can recall when I met my husband. We both signed up to attend a mission trip set for Lima Peru from our church. At that time, our church had thousands of attendees, so it is so easy to miss many people unless you get involved. After we served on this mission trip, we connected afterward started dating, engaged, married, and now have three babies. You can read more about our story: https://bibleandcake.com/i-guess-i-should-go-on-a-mission-trip-to-peru/.
Marriage is NOT “have your cake and eat it too”( I never understood why you cannot have cake and eat it lol)
Today, you hear and witness many relationships that are weird. Sorry, to me they are very ungodly, weird, and just wrong. People are choosing to reside together before marriage, fornicating(sex outside of marriage), buying homes together before marriage, and then moving in together while “engaged”. I remember when my husband and I were engaged and some family members asked if we were going to move in together. They were shocked when we answered NO. No thanks. You can’t have the cake and eat it too. We witness so much that is contradictory to what God says.
On our wedding day, the Pastor who married us pulled us aside and said you two will be blessed by the Lord for not living together before this special day. God sees your righteousness and commitment to him, you will be blessed because of that. I never forgot that. As “easy” as it would have been to do things our way, it was not right. Marriage takes a lot of work. you become ONE with this man. You need to trust this man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is not selfishness. It is oneness. This is something both people need to understand. Both individuals need to want this or it will not work.
Let go of your selfishness or the marriage will work it out of you.
When you sign up to commit your life with your spouse, you will need to truly work on yourself. What I mean is we are ALL selfish. ME ME ME. How can I benefit from this, or what can I get from this? These are thoughts and habits we are born with. We are naturally selfish. Many people do not grow out of this. You may know a few people that come to your mind. Honestly, I had to pray and learn to put others before myself. When I got married, I started putting my husband before myself. Now with three young children, all 4 people are before me. I love it. I am filled, and it brings me happiness to know they are cared for and have what they need. Although self-care is important to me, I have found creative ways to care for myself after my loved ones are cared for. Matthew 7:12, NKJV, Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets”. In order to have a strong, selfless marriage, you may need to look at yourself and ask what do I need to work on? How can I get rid of the “all about me” mindset and start putting my spouse and/or others before myself and my wants?
Strong Marriages have these key components
A strong marriage has TRUST between the husband and wife and TRUST in the Lord Jesus. The key point is that both need to seek the Lord individually. You need and should be seeking the Lord yourself. How can you grow and learn more about your Savior if you stay idle in your own walk?
You can build a stronger marriage by PRAYING and READING the Bible TOGETHER. Some ways to do this could be by studying a verse or book together. My husband and I have done both and enjoyed it. Finding time can be difficult so I would start small. Another idea is picking a verse and trying to memorize it together. you can quiz each other and also study it together.
Building a strong marriage also has COMMUNICATION. Talk to each other. Laugh with each other, cry together. Talk. Talk about everything and do not just “assume”. Ask questions. I believe this is imperative. If something is bothering you or in your heart, talk about it. Ask your spouse. If you are being asked the questions answer with integrity, and honesty, because this builds, grows, and nurtures the marriage. Praying together as a couple is very important. Invite the presence of God into your marriage. Hear what is in your spouse’s heart. Ask him how you can be praying for him. Ask. Talking is key. Just because there are children in the family this should not seize communication between you two. Do not just talk about the children. There is so much more to chat about than just the kids.
Marriages that are built on a strong foundation also have INTIMACY. Intimacy is key in a marriage and today we get so many definitions of what that should look like. I heard from a Pastor who said, God created sex for the husband and wife in a marriage. The world took it and distorted it. It was created by God. Not the world.
INTIMACY and/or SEX should be a PRIORITY in a marriage. Too many relationships forget this and I do not understand why. Yes, we have children and responsibilities but how did you have the children? SEX, right? It should not stop there. Make it a priority in your relationship. It should not be a “chore”. It should be frequent( monthly and yearly are NOT frequent…daily, weekly IS). The Bible says, ” Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” 1 Corinthians 7:5, NKJV.
In addition to all of this, a strong, godly, healthy marriage should be PURE. Our marriage finds this to be imperative. We strive to stay pure and honor each other. Therefore, pornography, lust after other men and women, and covetousness should be nonexistent in your marriage. I understand we all have struggles and are NOT perfect. However, this is NOT an excuse to “dabble” or NOT take this seriously. Pornography and lust of the eyes will damage your marriage. It may not do it right away but once the evil one has a foothold it will eventually get to a damaging state.
Too many marriages allow pornography or even “dabble” (explore, “innocently”) with it. Pornography is the following definition: printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings. Therefore, this includes videos, websites, and pictures/images, writings(novels, books) that are explicit of men and women in sexual, provocative nude, or barely any clothing. Let’s not sugarcoat it. 90% of the time it IS INAPPROPRIATE. THIS IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN. SEX SELLS. God will see and know what you and your spouse allow, whether in the light or in secret. What you watch, glance at from time to time, or listen to will affect your marriage bed. Purity is key. The Bible says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” Hebrews 13:4, NKJV. There are so many verses in the Bible about this. There are lessons we can learn and grow from. God gave this to us for many reasons. Dig into the Bible, and pray it over yourself, your spouse, your children, and your marriage.
Right in the beginning stages of my marriage, my husband said we are ONE so everything will and should be ONE. Separate is not realistic in a Godly marriage striving to honor God. I want to say separate bank accounts, secret phone passcodes so the other spouse cannot access your laptop, phone, accounts, applications on your phone, work phones that have “secret” passcodes or unknown contacts, private browsing or private searches/search engines, private overall, separate, secret should have no place in your marriage(it’s demonic). It should ALL be on the table, open, accessible with no questions asked. Satan is here to kill and destroy our marriages. The world glorifies “privacy”, separate lives, space, and freedom”. This should have no place and I am praying God will show you if there is anything that needs to change, repent of(confess and turn away), and desire an open, loving, honoring, and pure marriage. “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” Ephesians 5:11.
If you have this problem in your marriage, I would start with praying. Prayer is powerful and God sees and knows all things. I would also suggest professional help if you or your spouse struggles with this. It is NOT God’s will and it can be broken. A pure, godly, loving marriage should be free from all of the above. A strong marriage is possible and I would encourage you to seek some support. It is out there. Do not be discouraged.
To end this, I want to share that PATIENCE is so important. NO marriage is perfect. You can glance at all of the social media posts and articles but not believe them all. Problems occur! The problem with this world is all that we read and see is distorted, photoshopped, and not real. The TRUTH is in the BIBLE. It is very hard to trust what you see and read these days because the intentions and goals are so ungodly and wrong. I wanted to say that when we work on our patience it makes all the difference. Ask the Lord to give you more patience. Changes take time and also working through different things that a relationship brings. Patience and love in a marriage make it stronger. When the tough moments occur and you are hurt in your marriage( it will happen) ask the Lord to help you FORGIVE. Forgiving can be hard but we should be quick to forgive. The Lord forgave us and we should do the same as His word says. Patience and FORGIVENESS.
Marriage is a lot of hard work but you two can do it.
I hope and pray that you will work on your marriage. Ask the Lord to show you how to be a better wife. Ask the Lord to show you how to pray for your husband. We need to put a lot of attention into our marriages. So many homes are broken because the husband and wife do not want to do the work. Marriage is a lot of work. You can make it work. You can have a strong, godly marriage that is loving, pure, forgiving, and patient. Thanks for reading!
