“5” important things that every marriage should consider implementing:

My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years! When we met at the church meeting for the mission trip, we were both single and desiring a Godly, disciplined, and mature spouse. We both did not know that about each other, yet the Lord knew. In addition, as we got to know each other and soon both made a decision to move towards marriage, it was evident that many discussions, questions, and sharing came up in our discussions. We “dated, courted,” whatever word you would like to use for less than a year. There was no need to do this any longer, in our opinion. We both knew what we wanted and needed. We both loved the Lord, were born again, and were striving to stay pure and obedient to the Lord. Why would we need to be dating for several years to “see” if this would work? It’s a question that everyone should ask.

Furthermore, what was important to both was that we were being obedient to what God says and what pleases Him. The Bible says clearly, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord”. Proverbs 18:22, NKJV.

MARRIAGE:

In this post, I am referring to a marriage between a man and a woman. In Genesis 2:24, we read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

****AND if you are NOT married, please continue to read. Seek the Lord. Divorced? Separated? Seek the Lord. The Bible is for everyone. We can still learn from this post about healthy boundaries and what pleases the Lord. We should still go to the Lord and allow the word to cleanse and renew our hearts. ****

So here we go….5 things we have implemented in our marriage!

1. Biblical values and morals. We are both born-again believers in Jesus Christ. So my husband and I read God’s word daily. We also have our individual time with the Lord in prayer and worship. We come together and will worship together, too. Praying for your spouse. Do it often, daily, multiple times a day. I cannot stress this enough.
2. We do not have opposite sex/gender friendships. My husband does not have female friends or acquaintances. I do not have male friends or acquaintances. We do not call and chat or “hang out” with the opposite sex alone. Work environments are similar. We do not have “work husbands or work wives”. This is very dangerous, not Godly, and should not be tolerated. It creates a “fantasy, lustful” environment. You are not honoring your loved one. Pray for a breakthrough and end this type of “relationship if you are involved in one. Pray for your spouse too.
3. Our finances are JOINT. We do not have “separate” accounts. All of our money had been together for a month before we walked down the aisle and recited our vows. We had everything set up and ready to go. When I used to work, the money that I got paid went to the same account as the paycheck that was awarded to my husband for his hard work. All of the money is together. We both have access to the accounts, and what works for “us” is that my husband manages the finances. This is what we do. I know some wives who do this and still have joint accounts. We always have “cash” on us, and we communicate on all purchases and expenses. I can attest that this has eliminated any “fighting” or mistrust regarding finances. The topic of finances is one of the main reasons why couples “fight” and/or divorce. We do not have this issue in my marriage. I do know other marriages have individual and separate accounts. Some say it “works” for them, and many more have said it does NOT. Seek the Lord on this. Discuss what the root cause may be to have anything “separate” in the marriage.
4. We do NOT travel “alone”. This can be controversial. For our marriage, this is something we stand firm on. I have to add that we are also aware of our locations and destinations. The environments and “circle of people” are very imperative. Do not be naive. This world is not innocent. Traveling alone and leaving a spouse alone for extended periods is not healthy. I strongly believe, and I have prayed about this, that if this is something your spouse needs to do for “work,” then it should be adjusted so the family can be with him. Traveling alone can be and is known to be an open door for infidelity, sin, mistrust, temptations, which allows the devil to feed on these opportunities. Your family is so important, and so is your marriage. I know many spouses who have their families join them. In fact, when we travel, almost every time we see families/spouses together because they tagged along with their spouse for a “work function”. In addition to the excuse of work, we do not travel alone or in groups like “girl” or “boy” trips. Similar reasons above. This is something that we discussed before marriage and actually throughout marriage. It never ends well. Honestly, things occur during these times that will evolve into devastation when they could be avoided. Protect and guard your marriages. This has nothing to do with trust. It has to do with intelligence and having discernment. I want to add that when it comes to ministry, I know of Pastors/Elders/men traveling together(ministry) and the opposite sex is NOT with them. Most Pastors are known to have their family with them as well. This is completely different from a “golf trip” or “Vegas trip”. The intentions and motives are completely different. The position of the hearts does not match. I will say, evaluate YOUR MOTIVES behind everything. Go to the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal and change anything that is not pleasing to Him. This is not just important in “traveling” but in all areas of our lives.
5. We protect our intimacy and family time. When people hear intimacy, they automatically go to sex. Yes, that is true, and yes, that is my point here as well, but it can be more than just a physical connection with your spouse. It’s conversations, quality time, time in general. It is being in each other’s face and enjoying it. My husband and I often say that it is sad to witness the marriages where the spouses do not “like each other”. You can tell. There is a deadness to the marriage. It’s boring, and they cannot stand to be with one another. That leads me to say, what holds you and your husband together? What is the “glue”? Do you invest in your home? Are you present? Is he present? What are your motives and values? These are questions to not just answer one time but repeatedly. We know eachother very well. We enjoy eachother. We annoy eachother too. Yet there is always a laugh. Seriously, daily between my husband and me. It may be cheesy, but it is true.

This list could be longer. This list may look different from yours. I can say from experience and a happy, Godly marriage.

Praise the Lord, that these 5 healthy practices that I just listed WORK. It has strengthened my marriage. Also, we know what to expect. We are faithful to one another, and these practices only build our trust more. Our children see the bond and trust between us. They are able to grow up in a safe, loving environment because we strive to keep this marriage healthy and anchored with Jesus Christ at the CENTER. Otherwise, it just won’t work.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 NKJV.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;  that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, NKJV.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6, NKJV.

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4, NKJV.

I have made a covenant with my eyes;
Why then should I look upon a young woman? Job 31:1, NKJV.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8, NKJV.

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5, NKJV.

There is so much more. God’s word is so good, meaty. Please go back daily and study. I want to encourage healthy conversations between you and your spouse. There should be “checkups” in the marriage. Open conversations and dialogue. This is Trust. This is healthy. Praying. Please, please, please be in prayer for everything. This is so important.

Thank you for being here!!! Thank you for reading. Please share any comments or practices that you have in your marriage too! May the Lord bless and protect our marriages and families!

• “5” important things that every marriage should consider implementing:
• Our sin has consequences. Stop blaming others for how your life may pan out…..
• It’s been a while. I guess motherhood is not busy after all?
• Are we all craving love?
• Do not let the doubts and disappointments consume your life.